


chandry comin to steal yo man

by rose_court



Category: Shepherds of Haven - Lena Nguyen
Genre: Gen, M/M, RIP, but there sure is massive character assassination, crackfic, i'm so sorry i did you dirty like this red, shery...this is probably about as good as you'll be treated in game, there may not be any major character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23212483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rose_court/pseuds/rose_court
Summary: im pretty sure writing shitty crackfic is a symptom of coronaviruschandry falls head over heels with whoever the mc is romancing and the game turns into a dating sim where you gotta swoon your ro before chandry can lay on theunbeatable discount pricescharm
Relationships: MC/Red Antiqua, Red Antiqua/Chandry
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	chandry comin to steal yo man

**Author's Note:**

> i was gonna write in satan as a co-creator to this fic but it turns out that that's an actual person on this site, lmao

It takes a moment to process what you’ve heard, and then another to follow Red through the winding bookcases. Piles of unshelved books dot the floor, and you dance around them in time to the beating of your heart as panic begins to truly set it.

“R-Really? _Chandry?_ ” Your voice nearly breaks with disbelief. “ _The fucking clown??_ ”

Red shushes you gently, his eyes darting over at the other Shepherds in the library who are now sending you annoyed glances. You feel heat rise in your cheeks and Red beckons you over to a more secluded corner.

His shoulders move ever so gracefully as he inhales and exhales deeply, staring up at the ceiling as he does, before smoothly turning on his heel to face you. Candlelight flickers on his hair as he shakes his head, preparing to explain something difficult.

“I know this seems…unusual, but he’s actually quite sweet!” His smile turns into a mild grimace a bit as he stares into a candle somewhere past your shoulder, a thousand miles away. “Once you look past the grotesquerie of his makeup, at least.” He shakes his head. “And in any case, he was generous enough to offer quite a steep discount the next time I needed to purchase vellum.”

You gasp and narrow your eyes at your fellow Shepherd.

“Liefred Antiqua, you slut!” 

Red instinctively stands straighter upon hearing his full name, only to curse under his breath at his own reaction just before your insult finally registers and forces him to look at you with a hurt expression, but you merely shake your head at him while looking him up and down. 

“I never thought I’d see the day when you would debase yourself for…for… _vellum!_ ”

A soft cough makes both of you nearly jump out of your skin, and you both turn in fright to see Riel standing at the entrance of the not-so-secluded-anymore corner of the library. He levels a dispassionate look to the both of you, lingering only slightly more on Red.

“Well, it’s not as if he could command a much higher price.”

A strangled, indignant sound forces its way out of Red’s throat, but not before you take a protective step in front of him.

“That’s not true! Red could charge thousands if he wanted to!”

“Yeah!”

“He’s just an idiot with terrible financial sense and taste!”

“Ye—wait, no!”

“A _clown_ , Red. Chandry is a _clown_ ,” you emphasize because it’s obvious he doesn’t seem to comprehend that he’s a fucking clow—

“Mmm.” Riel’s gaze flits between the two of you, though his expression seems no less disapproving than usual. “In any case, I didn’t come all the way here to critique Liefred’s financial aptitude, I came here for Avrisen’s _Analytics of Motion_.”

Both you and Red look around the area with wide, blank expressions, uncertain of which book he’s referring to.

“The green one. By your left.”

“Ah,” you say, plucking the tome from its shelf, but when you outstretch your hand to offer it to him, you notice that the only hand that Riel doesn’t have tucked away behind his back is drawn close to his chest with a loose fist. He looks down disdainfully at the worn leather backing of the book your rapidly fatiguing arms are holding out.

He clears his throat purposefully, and the floorboards behind him creak in time with dragging footsteps. Before long, a walking stack of books appears, and from behind it is Shery’s soft, warbling voice.

“C— _hrng_ —Can you set it at the top of the pile? Th-Thank you…”

“Oh, now that’s just cruel!” Red admonishes. 

He grabs the tome from your hands and then takes a step forward toward Shery, meaning to help take some of the load but is interrupted by Riel’s rapid tutting.

“Please don’t. I don’t know where that fool has been.”

Another strangled noises claws its way out of Red’s throat, and he absentmindedly drops the tome on the top of Shery’s pile.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve been here all day!”

“I…had meant the clown, but yes, I suppose you _do_ meet the requirements for a fool.”

“That’s it!” Red claps his hands and raises them high above his head. “I won’t hear any more criticisms of how or with whom I spend my private time!”

“And how you’re whoring yourself out for vellum?” You ask.

“And how I’m who—wait, no. No no no.” Annoyed, he wags his finger in front of you as though gesturing to the words that just left your mouth. “None of this.”

His glare remains steadily on you as he walks backwards, stumbling more than once against the stacks of books on the floor, and although he finishes with less dignity than he began with, he manages to walk out of the area just the same.

“And it’s very nice vellum!” He calls out from behind a few bookshelves, only to be shushed down by the long suffering Shepherds he had sought to spare earlier.

“W-Well,” Shery begins, straining under the weight of the books she carries, “for what it’s worth, I-I think they look quite happy togeth—”

“Come along, Sheryll.” Riel calls out behind him, already walking away. “There’s more books I need to retrieve.”

“Oh _—hng_ —of course!” She squeaks, and shuffles quickly after him before he’s out of sight. “A-And it’s Shery…”

Alone, you sulkily make your way to a stack of books and plop down with a sigh. Your leg shakes anxiously at the thought of Red joining Chandry in unholy clowntrimony. You have to put a stop to this. _You must!_

“So how do I get Tallys Thirstwood to fuck a clown?” You ask yourself aloud, tapping your chin in thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow [my personal tumblr](http://rose-court.tumblr.com/) if you like memes, foxes, raccoons, and shitposting.
> 
> Follow [my art tumblr](http://rose-court-art.tumblr.com/) if you like the occasional art as well as fic updates (hah).
> 
> [Send me a message](https://forum.choiceofgames.com/u/rose-court/summary) on the CoG forums if you just wanna chat.


End file.
